There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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