she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
