11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize