I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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