i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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