I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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