A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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