she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
