Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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