We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
