Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
