Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
