Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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