I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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