is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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