In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
