apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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