im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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