at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
