so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize