The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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