I puked a lego.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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