I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
