i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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