My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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