im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
