New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
