is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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