at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
