We tried having a conversation with our noses.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
false alarm, still single
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