she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
