I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
