living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
