It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
