would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
