Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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