i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
