We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
