I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
