I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
