If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You're like the curious george of whores
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
