That's intense
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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