I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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