just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
