GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
