Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
