HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize