he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
