I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
