I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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