i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
