Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
