Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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