I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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