My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
