Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
