Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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