Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize