She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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