meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
