Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
please come you make the beer taste better
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
