it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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