I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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