wakey wakey hands off snakey
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
