I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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