Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize