that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
