She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
