It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize