So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
