The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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