im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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