i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize