But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
