he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He better not be in your backpack
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
