If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
