There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
