I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
