You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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