Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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