I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
