Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Im part way to drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am naked and annoyed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
