I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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