i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
