I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
