There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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