May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
