1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
