tequila makes me forget i have legs
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
