I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she looked like the before picture.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
