my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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