Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
