actually, I'm a sock model
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How external is "for external use only"?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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