We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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