We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
