he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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