i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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