i don't like sucking hair
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
