i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
