i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The power of my boobs compel you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
