who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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