so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
