I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
