Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
