I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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