I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
