his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
