He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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