We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
