You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
