I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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