never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
